Tag Archives: humor

Impecunious

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Welcome to the second edition of Wall Woes IMP Word Wednesday! Today’s word is:

impecunious

(not to be confused with, “I’m bi-curious”)

definition: having little or no money; penniless; poor.

IMP word improperly implemented: “My impecunious choice of words makes for some awkward situations.”

Last Friday in Wall Woes IMP Word Wednesday‘s inauguration post, I featured a FAQ segment to answer all the questions that you would have asked me if you were me. I’ve since grown keen to the idea of having some kind of special feature in every week’s IMP Word post.

This week, I’ve identified what may be the most impressive display of bad taste I’ve seen or heard anywhere. My personal record on this song is three seconds past the minute mark. That’s when my brain turns to cauliflower.  Please, save yourself the headache do not watch the following video.

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Do you hear that?

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It’s the winds, of change. That’s right, shit is going down! Allow me to introduce an exciting new addition to the Wall Woes lineup. I present to you:

Wall Woes’ IMP Word Wednesday!

Week #1 – imp

definition: a little devil or demon

IMP word improperly implemented: “I blame my shoulder imp for tricking me into blogging and building art for a living.”

Now, before you go asking questions and criticizing prematurely, please read the Falsely Anticipated Questions section below.

FAQs

Really? Wall Woes’ IMP Word Wednesday?

As you know, the name of my first stARTup (stARTup!) is “IMPARTWORKS,” so I recently came up with the brilliant idea to use an IMP word in the title of each of my designs. For example, my hanging wall planter might be called, “Implanter.” While the definitions of my titles may be impertinent to the design, initially imparting confusion, the impending impassioning impact of this subtly imported imposition should leave an imperishable impression.

Naturally, the next step was to elaborate on this absurdity. And so it was, that Wall Woes’ IMP Word Wednesday came into existence.

What happens when you run out of IMP words to name your art?

Impossible! Well, improbable.

Aren’t there several definitions for the word “imp?”

You seem to have mistaken my blog for a dictionary.

It’s Friday.

That’s not a question. And I really don’t like Wednesdays, except for that somebody coined them “hump day.” In fact, I’m partial to Wednesday being my least favorite day of the week, so Wall Woes’ IMP Word Wednesday will actually take place every Thursday from here on out.

What’s with all the cartoon references?

Back off!

Is that a mud flap?

Are you a detective?

Don’t Be Dead Wood

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Due to popular demand, I’m unveiling my first business card ever, right here on Wall Woes. Over 5% of my 18 followers have expressed their interest in my Zazzle.com design, as mentioned in Vistaprint’s “Impression.” So, I’m left with no choice but to grace you with the product of my, and some stranger’s, blood, sweat, and tears. I spent minutes upon minutes of intense browsing through prefabricated templates before filling in blanks with words, numbers, and a strategically placed “at” symbol.

Without further ado, I present to you my much-anticipated debut business card.

Business Card Front

Business Card Back

I know, I know. It really goes against the grain, but if you can’t see the wood for the trees here, you’re just a stick in the mud.

Vistaprint’s “Impression”

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Shortly after last week’s post, I set out to make some business cards. I hit up my buddy Google, and he told me Vistaprint was currently running a promotion for 250 business cards. Only $10, plus free shipping! Sounded too good to be true.

I proceeded to spend the next hour or so “designing” a card. Rather, I chose from a limited selection of pedestrian templates and filled in the required information. I decided to splurge on a back side for my cards. It was an extra $6.49 but that seemed reasonable enough given the original steal.

Once I was somewhat satisfied with my design, I clicked on the little shopping cart, expecting to be taken to the checkout page. Instead, I was forced through barrage of promotional hoops asking me to buy this, and telling me I need that. It was like trying to register a domain with GoDaddy, or like ordering a plated dinner at Sizzler. How can something so seemingly simple require so many damn questions? And forgive me, Vistaprint, if I don’t believe you when you say, “Customers like you also bought ‘Large Lawn Signs'” to match my business cards. You lie. Nobody like me did that.

I finally made it to the virtual checkout counter and double-checked my cart to make sure none of the “next” buttons I had clicked doubled as an “add to cart” button. It was like shopping with a bratty child: I had to make sure that nothing got slipped into my cart while I wasn’t paying attention.

Then, when I went to choose a shipping option, the cheapest one was $7. Seven dollars. Standard shipping (14 days) was seven dollars. Cool story, Hansel. I spent the next 10 minutes searching for the “free shipping” option that was promised me in the promotion, only to discover that the back side option, for which I had already agreed to pay an extra $6.49, did not qualify for free shipping. Apparently, the ink they use on the back of cards is actually liquid plutonium. Very heavy.

That was about the point where I vocalized a few choice words to Vistaprint and went back to the drawing board. Long story short, I ended up spending $30 on 100 cards at Zazzle.com. I couldn’t be happier. Much nicer templates, great user interface, and NO hassle. Plus, since I don’t have a website yet, the scant 100 cards will serve as the perfect deadline to get one up running so that I can include it on my next batch.